I went to visit Soleil at his new home today. I made Mike drive because I suck with directions. Plus, I didn't know how emotional I'd be about it.

They have a really nice, big house. And a huge yard. He has a box full of toys, a doggy bed by the door, two blankets on the couch.. and it's obvious that he gets tons of attention from the two little girls.

We stayed for over an hour. I heard all about his life from the past three weeks.. and it sounds like he's doing great. He already has certain routines with the family too.. like riding with grandma when she takes the girls to school.

I didn't feel any sadness at all while we were there. Going to their house just made me realize that this was the best option for him.

But then when we went to leave.. I opened up the car door and he just jumped in. Not like, he was standing there waiting for me to open it.. he ran from the front door, down the drive way, and into the car. Pulling him out and saying, "No, you have to stay here" was the only time I felt a bit of regret.
Before starting this entry I debated making it friends only for like, 20 minutes. Apparently I need to be more guarded in my life. Psycho bitches are getting my AIM screen name and are messaging me.. and it's just crazy.

Aside from that crap, today was just a huge emotional coaster.

Bleh. I just wrong this huge long thing detailing my day, but I decided to delete it. Basically, I went to the mall with Andy (Yes, Graf. Please, spare me that "What the hell are you thinking??"). That was a whole lot of not fun, but it is amazing how much gossip that boy knows.

Then I found out that Anna girl called me a bitch. And it just really bothers me that she would say something like that. She doesn't even know me. I haven't done anything to her. I guess you could say I "stole" her man.. only.. I.. didn't.

I know this shouldn't bother me this much. What the fuck ever. She should just shut up. She has him now, doesn't she?

Oh, and the new Britney CD sucks. Boo.

I stole this from some guy's journal. Do it:

Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously. Anything.
A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.
I guess I should update.

Only now I'm in a pissy mood because Andy is stupid. Like.. just dumb.

Out of nowhere he's like, "So I heard today that you and Juza were dating?" Hell-o. That was so three weeks ago. And then he adds, "I heard he broke up with you." To which I responded, "You can't break up with someone you're not dating." Idiot.

I hate it when gossip travels and gets all misconstrued. I mean, what the fuck?

Gordon/Paul and I have decided to be "just friends". I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do or not. It feels like the right decision. I guess.

Moving on.. there's this girl on my AIM list, shortstuff5064, who clicked my link so I got her screen name and of course added her.. and like.. I have no idea who she is. And I think she has mental problems or something because her away messages and profile always talk about "Julie" and I think she is Julie.

I have absolutely nothing of importance to say so I'm just going to end this now.
I just said goodbye to Soleil. Actually, I didn't even really say goodbye. I just kind of watched while my dad put the leash on him and the little girl walked him away.

I know he's going to a great home. They live on this dead end street with over an acre of land, they have two little girls, they have a cabin they go to every other week.. I mean.. is there a better life for a dog?

What was I supposed to do? Keep him for another year until my dad sells the house and then try to find him a home? Was I supposed to find an apartment that allows large dogs and keep him inside all the time?

He was my little buddy. I can't even tell you how many times I'd come home all bummed out about something and he would just sit there and put his head in my lap and let me pet him. And all those times he'd go running with me at like 5 in the morning.. when I just couldn't seem to sleep. He brought my dad the paper every single morning. He knew the "sit" command.. but the whole time he'd be sitting his tail would be shaking so hard his whole body would move until he couldn't take it anymore and he just had to jump on you. Then there were the nights I'd fall asleep on him and he just stayed there the whole time.

My little Soleil. My honey. My "tan lines" - because his butt fur was white.

He's with a great family. I just know it. I mean, I turned a lot of people away.. it's not like I just gave him to anyone. Plus, she gave me her address and phone numbers.. and she said I could visit any time.

This is what's best for him. Right? I mean, didn't I do the right thing? He'll be happy.
So, Ann wants a happy journal entry. Only, I don't have anything happy to write about.

I guess Halloween was a blast - from what I can remember of it. And people who don't dress up for Halloween are lame. I mean, Ann was Avril Lavigne, Lindsey was Anna Nicole Smith and I was Britney Spears on crack.. come on people.. it's not that hard. However, Tony really should have kept that spandex ensemble in the closet.

I remember..

.. getting into a mock argument with "Justin Timberlake" using all lyrics and song titles from the two pop stars
.. the wop tasted damn good
.. Sarah on some guys lap, Ann and I calling Justin, and Sarah confronting Ann (what was that all about?)
.. Kinderman being a little too friendly with me
.. the quote "That's pink - but it's hot pink because you're wearing it" - by the way, I saw that guy at work tonight.. haha
.. Gordon came at some point.. not sure how long he was there..
.. I drunk dialed Thomas!
.. I slow danced.. with some guy.. to some.. song..
.. Ron..? heh..
.. I passed out on Gordon's couch, woke up, threw up, and passed out again

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my Halloween :D

And, of course, I have something to say about Adam, but I put it in a nifty cut so you don't have to read it if you don't want to.

He wasn't man enough for me.. )
Adam was supposed to call me tonight once he was finished studying, around 9 or 9:30. I stayed at the Theta Chi house until around 10:00 and finally decided to go home.

I logged on to AIM and had the following conversation with Adam:

juzaox: on as I'm going to bed
good 'night
crazee doll: why didn't you call?
juzaox: cuz im gay
juzaox: sorry
juzaox: i don't know
juzaox: i know it looks like im insincre by not calling
crazee doll: well it looks like you don't really like me
crazee doll: so i'm sorry for trying
juzaox: i don't know what i think, please don't take it the wrong way, i do think you're a great person
crazee doll: i don't understand
crazee doll: did i do something to you?
juzaox: no, absolutely not
juzaox: i don't know what it is
crazee doll: i wish you knew something better to tell me
juzaox: im not sure, i thought i wanted something, maybe i do, i just don't know what i really want, i know thats a terrible answer
crazee doll: i wish you weren't going to bed so we could talk or something
crazee doll: because.. this really, really sucks
juzaox: i know, i feel so bad about it
juzaox: let me sleep on it
crazee doll: sleep on what??
juzaox: i dont know
juzaox: everything
juzaox: you did nothing to piss me off, please do not think that
juzaox: its not fair to you at all
juzaox: im sorry
crazee doll: i must have done something to turn you away
juzaox: no you didn't, believe me, lets just leave it at that
crazee doll: ok
juzaox: good night for now, i just need to sleep
crazee doll: night

Um. What? I'm at a loss for words.
Figures this would happen.
Damn. I could wake up to that every morning.
"You are the best thing in my life right now, as a friend you are there for me when I need you the most and I never want to lose that! You seem to be that one special person that can make me smile no matter how I'm feeling, make me laugh no matter what. I'm a better person for knowing you."

Awww. Awww x 389453984502834082 x 10^2345808028034 :)


Oct. 21st, 2003 06:37 pm
The bridesmaid dresses are here. Cliquez for pictures. However, I feel I should warn you, the picture of the back makes my ass look HUGE. Actually, the dress is not very flattering at all. It's kind of depressing really. But don't worry.. I didn't suddenly gain 200 pounds since the last time you saw me :)

pictures )
I'm bored. I don't want to study.

(01)movie you rented: umm.. anger management. even though I already saw it.
(02)movie you bought: how to lose a guy in ten days
(03)song you listened to: things I'll never say
(04)song that was stuck in your head: sweetest sin
(05)song you've downloaded: take me away by fefe. Ann, I want your life.
(06)cd you bought: some devil
(07)cd you listened to: some mix
(08)concert you went to: can't remember
(09)person you've called: meex
(10)person that's called you: adam <3
(11)tv show you've watched: one life to live

(01)you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: asdklfjaskdghjkag
(02)you have a crush on someone: adam <3
(03)wish you could live somewhere else: sometimes
(04)you think about suicide: I wonder why people do it
(05)you believe in online dating: that's for ugly people
(06)others find you attractive: I guess
(07)you want more piercings: no

I just received this IM from Angela (Andy's friend):
AngelFood444: hey jess... i just wanted to apologize to you for being so stupid earlier, I dont hate you and Im over everything I was mad about so I hope you forgive me.

Um. Yeah. What the hell is THAT? I just know it has something to do with the fact that Adam said something to Jesse (Angela's new boyfriend / Adam's roomate). And then Jesse must have said something to her. But why?? WHY???


(08)you drink: on the weeekends
(09)you do drugs: nope
(10)you like cleaning: if I get the urge
(11)you like roller coasters: sure
(12)you write in cursive or print: print
(13)you carry a donor card: no

For or against...
(01)long distance relationships: against.
(03)suicide: yeah. we're gonna go with no on this.
(04)killing people: some, yes. (great answer.)
(05)teenage smoking: whatever floats your boat
(06)doing drugs: whatever.. umm.. makes your day :)
(07)premarital sex: woot woot!
(08)driving drunk: it's stupid.. WHY would you?

(01)food: strawberries
(02)song: I walk alone
(03)thing to do: I know what I would LIKE to do.. ahem..
(04)thing to talk about: rodeo clowns. or anything else that can be discussed at perkins at 2 am
(05)sports: football to watch, tennis to play
(06)drinks: bacardi
(07)clothes: mmm. hoodies.
(08)movies: legally blonde, office space
(09)bands: bands? bands are gay.
(10)holiday: christmas
(11)cars: mine :)

Have you...
(01)ever cried over a girl/boy: not recently.
(02)ever lied to someone: yes.
(03)ever been in a fist fight: no.
(04)ever been arrested: no.

(01)shampoo do you use: garnier nutrisse
(02)perfume do you wear: love spell
(03)shoes do you wear: my docs. they're so old & comfy.
(04)are you scared of: falling really hard for someone again. failure. centipedes.

Number of...
(01)times I have had my heart broken: once. it was horrible. sure, i've been sad over a boy before. but just once did he actually rip my heart out and shred it into a million pieces. and then he spit on it. <3
(02)hearts I have broken: not sure
(03)boys I have kissed: 1.. 2.. 16.. 17..
(05)continents I have lived in: 1
(06)drugs I have taken illegally: eh
(07)people I would classify as true, could trust with my life friends: a, b, m, l, t, j, p & others.
(08)people I consider my enemies: no one.
(09)cd's I own: do you honestly expect me to list all of them?
(10)scars on my body: one on my finger from a scissors incident.. one above my eyebrow..
(11)things in my past I regret: a lot.
He asked me to homecoming!
He asked me to homecoming!
He asked me to homecoming!

I just wrote this whole, long entry about how Adam was like night and day. Lastnight being all cute and tonight.. BAM. Nothing.

But I erased it because I just don't care.

Well, that's a lie.
I try to be a good friend. I really do. And I try to support my friends with anything. But.. I can't support my friend liking someone who is a complete idiot.

Not just.. "Oh he's dumb" or something. Like a complete fucking asshole.

Everytime I come back to my screen name after being idle for a few hours there's a new message from him.

The last one said something to this degree.. "Yo Jess why you gotta tell people not to hang out with me if you don't like me" or something.

Um. Yeah. Did I tell someone NOT to see you? No. When she says "I'm with *****" I say "Ew" or "Whyyyyyyyy?". But never "I forbid it!!".

I just sent this to UCONN.

crazee doll: i told ann i would give you a try and forget all the shit you said last semester.. but screw that. you always have to run your mouth about something. just shut up unless you know exactly what's going on.

Sorry Ann.
I stole this from Erin's (my totally awesome hostee) journal. I'm bored. And if you're bored you'll read it.

[ x ] Wallet - well I have a black one that holds my check book and various store credit cards, but it usually stays at home. My regular one is a khaki color from AE.
[ x ] Hairbrush - it's a wooden paddle brush
[ x ] Toothbrush- it's pink..
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily? some necklace.. and my white gold ring if I remember
[ x ] Pillow case - two light blue flannel ones with yellow stars, and one chilly willy
[ x ] Blanket - I have a down comforter with a dark grey duvet cover, I also have two other pink blankets, a cream fleece one, and a blue down one.
[ x ] Coffee cup - some thing from Gloria Jeans
[ x ] Sunglasses - I had this amazing pair from PacSun that I wore religiously.. they were silver rimmed and faded from purple to pink. Well, I broke them and now I'm stuck with some crappy ones from Aeropostale
[ x ] Underwear - pink sheer mesh from Gap Body..
[ x ] Shoes - my doc marten sandals that I love so much.. but they're pretty worn and I'll probably have to retire them soon :(
[ x ] Handbag - some little khaki shoulder bag from AE..
[ x ] Favorite top - I really love my 'boyfriend fit' sweatshirt from Abercrombie for this time of year.. but otherwise just my grey t-shirt.
[ x ] CD in stereo right now - jason mraz
[ x ] Tattoos - nope
[ x ] Piercings - ears & diamond stud in nose
[ x ] What you are wearing now - my Roxy PJ pants and a white tank top
[ x ] Hair - pulled back.. which is a shame.. I should really be showing off my new "cinnamon stick" shade that *ANN* helped me pick out
[ x ] Makeup - right now.. none.. I just washed my face :)

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)
[ x ] In my mouth - life saver kickers
[ x ] In my head - "you and IIIII both looooove"
[ x ] Wishing - for love.. and maybe some more money
[ x ] After this - bed I guess
[ x ] Talking to - gordon
[ x ] Eating - a.. life.. saver..
[ x ] Fetishes - sexy smelling cologne.. yum :P
[ x ] If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason - I guess I wouldn't kill her.. but I really hate Kristi. And maybe some bodily harm could be done to Andy.
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now? thomas
[ x ] Is next to you - the remote control, my purse, a bag from Banana Republic, and some chapstick
[ x ] Some of your favorite movies - Legally Blonde, Office Space, Empire Records
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - the Jason Mraz concert.. and that's about it
[ x ] The last thing you ate - a life saver. for the third time..
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of - centipedes
[ x ] Do you like candles - yup
[ x ] Do you like hot wax - um.. no
[ x ] Do you like incense - they can be alright
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood - what the hell? uh, no.
[ x ] Do you believe in love - I do
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - for sure
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - not really
[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven - I believe in something like it
[ x ] Do you believe in forgiveness - depends what the person did...
[ x ] Do you believe in God - no comment
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die - I guess I don't really know
[ x ] Who is your worst enemy - the only person I actually have arguments with is that stupid Angela girl
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - any animal? I want a horse.. and a tiger.. and a Chihuahua..
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up - all night?
[ x ] Ever been to Belgium - no
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - hell yeah
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - uhh.. the gold ones in Mario ;)

[ x ] What are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to - LONDON, Paris, Boston, New York City, Nashville
[ x ] What are some of your favorite pigout foods - Godiva ice cream, cheese popcorn, and pizza

[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - I wish people would understand that JoLynn set me up with ONE guy.. JUST ONE. And I wish they would understand why I can't let go of Mike.
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better - anything I'm learning in class.. then I wouldn't have to study as much
[ x ] Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time - yes... is four days a long time?
[ x ] What's one thing that you wish could happen tomorrow - too much..

Well.. that was fun.

I'm semi-tired now.
me: hey, let's say I was to hypothetically leave for four months.. how would I go about getting off of work?
pete: what are you hypothetically leaving for?
me: to study abroad
pete: you just have to fill out a form with Amy in Human Resources
me: ok. I just didn't want to get fired or anything.
pete: yeah, you've worked here so long I don't see a problem with it. Not that you really work..
me: psh.
pete: I was impressed today though.. if you had been just another minute late I would have had to write it up
me: yeah, I'm just good
pete: in three years you've perfected the art of being late
Angelwhore and I just had it out on AIM. When I called her out on her lies she got really pissed and said I damaged her and Andy's relationship.. forever. They deserve eachother.

On a side note.. I give great relationship advice. I can save any relationship.. except my own.
I found the cutest little apartment. They even have a one bedroom available. I don't really think I could stand having a roomate anyway.

When I bring it up to my mom she questions the money situation right away. Which, well, isn't all that great for me. But next summer when I work for Justin and still have Eastbay.. well I'll be making enough then. And when my dad hears about it he has to lay this guilt trip on me on how I would be abandoning him and how he would just sell the house. Argh!!

I think it's time I did something for ME and stopped caring how others felt. Damn.
What my weeks will look like 'til December...

9:10-10:10 - History
10:20-11:20 - Economics

4-10 work

9:40-11:10 - Intro to Journalism/Mass Communication
6:30-8:40 - News Writing

9:10-10:10 - History
10:20-11:20 - Economics

3-7 work

9:40-11:10 - Intro to Journalism/Mass Communication
6:30-8:40 - News Writing

9:10-10:10 - History
10:20-11:20 - Economics

Aaaaand working every other Saturday and Sunday 8-1.

Not bad - it's actually a pretty lazy schedule. I'm glad I dropped 2D Design and I'm really glad I dropped Political Science. Of course, the busy season is approaching at work, so I'll be picking hours there between my classes on Tuesday & Thursday and on the weekends I don't work. And I'll also have to fit in some time for Titan Lead and Ad Club.
LJ drama is so lame. And that's all I'm going to say about that. On with my life...

So last semester there was this weird guy on campus named Steve. On a few different occasions he would walk up to JoLynn and just start talking to her.. on two occassions he thought she was someone else and one time while we were having lunch he came up to our table and said "Are you Lynn from Madison?". Yeah, he's a winner. Well guess what? The freak is in my history class and now he's fucking talking to ME.

I was sitting in the front row (either because I really want to learn, or because there were no more seats open, you decide) and before class starts he comes up to me and says "What hall do you live in?" Only, he was looking at the people behind me, so I didn't think he was talking to me. He was just standing there so I looked at him and he asked again, this time looking right at me. I looked away and said "I don't" and he said "Oh so you commute?" and I said "Obviously." Then after class he comes over and says "This should be a fun class" and I said "Whatever" and walked away. Bitchy? Yes, but he scares me.

The Nick guy in my econ class is such a cutie. He walked with me to my next class, even though his car was on the other side of campus. Don't worry though, the only way this girl's getting involved with anyone is if Thomas comes here or I find a single Theta Chi guy (just kidding Ann!) Eh, whatever.

That's all for now. I'm sick of sitting here :)
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